To Change the Future
by Anna Marie Masen
Summary: 20 years since B Jumped off the cliff. Shes been missing and no one knows why. Not even the Cullens but it doesnt mean they havent been looking! Can she let them back in? Who will win her heart?
1. Chapter 1

**_TO CHANGE THE FUTURE _**

Chapter one: Returning

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ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO SM... havent done anything for awhile so thought i would give this idea a go...

set 20 years in the future... everything happened as SM wrote in New Moon until the day Bella jumps off the cliff... Jacob never made it in time and it was victoria who pulled her out of the water... knowing the one thing edward didnt want was for Bella to be changed, victoria changes her and leaves her alone. Theres more details but that will be explained in the story itself... Hope you like... and if you do please review :)

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Is it possible for nothing to have changed in twenty years? As I walked - at human speed of course - through the endless emptiness that was Forks, flashbacks began streaming through my mind. Nothing had changed, not really. The cars were better sure but everything else… even the same shops. I stopped outside Newton's store and watched through the window as the average looking plump male stumbled around the store marking up new goods. Could that be Mike? I shook my head remembering how he once looked, sure he wasn't my type, he had nothing on 'my type' but I couldn't deny that he was good looking, that his generic looks caught most girls attention. He looked so… old. I focused on my reflection and compared. I didn't look a day over eighteen and him, saying he looked his age of thirty eight was being generous.

Headlights caught my attention as the spun around the corner and pulled to a stop in the small car park that was situated to the right of the store. The black car door flung open and out stepped who at first glance I assumed was Mrs Stanly, Jessica's mother. I took in her appearance, glancing back at Mike and realization hit me.

"Jessica" I whispered watching her as she repeatedly checked her watch and rolled her eyes towards the store. Here in the dark, in the shadows I was safe from her view but she definitely wasn't safe from mine. The door swung open, Mike waved towards Jessica before locking up and heading towards the car.

"We're going to be late!" she threw at him, her brow stern.

"Sorry babe, I had to make sure it was all ready for tomorrow." his voice was low and shaky. It was clear who was the head of that relationship. She rolled her eyes at him, hissing between her teeth, before returning to her seat and driving away. I watched in horror as I remembered back to how she had almost begged for his attention and now she treated him like her puppy rather than equal.

Looking back at the store, I remembered the months I had worked there, the time 'he' had left me, the emptiness that came with that… the hole. I shook it off and continued through the town, albeit a little bit too fast to pass as a human. The quiet town of Forks was sleeping and for that I was thankful.

I froze as I took in the small dark wood building on the corner. POLICE DEPARTMENT, engraved on the wooden sign that hung over the door was large and hard to miss even in this light. Charlie. It had been a long time since I had seen Charlie, an even longer time since I had spoken to him. I flittered to the window edge and looked in, watching the grey haired man, now fifty eight, huff and puff as he searched through evidence and the endless supply of folders on his desk. Even though his brown curls were gone and the lines were firmly etched around his forehead and eyes, he still looked the same. He was still Charlie. I had checked in five months after the transformation to find him still searching for me, it had broken my then ice cold dead heart to watch him. I wanted to run to him, to hold him but I was worried what his smell would do to my restrain. I knew that somehow I had been granted more restrain than most but I didn't want to push it, especially with Charlie.

My next visit had been a mishap. I was checking in on Renee - after spending three years alone I needed to be reminded of why I should keep up this life, why I shouldn't give in to the blood lust - I had waited till the sun had completely set before dashing across the beach from the high cliffs and watching her through the window.

To my surprise I saw Charlie, standing at the sink washing dishes as Renee resting her head on her palms to the right of him, leaning on the counter. It had taken me awhile to realize that Phil was nowhere to be seen, not even a single photograph. I listened for clues trying to make sense of what my eyes were seeing but when I did, I wished I hadn't. from what I concluded, Phil had left Renee when she had become obsessed with finding me… her and Charlie both.

I couldn't watch Charlie sitting at his office desk anymore, I was certain I wouldn't hurt him now, I knew it with every fiber of my being but entering him into this knowledge, into my world would be evil. He didn't need to know the things I knew, know about the real monsters that go bump in the night. He was alive and that was all I needed to know. Also, he was here which meant if I hurried I could visit the house, see my old room… maybe pick up a few things that he wouldn't miss now.

The street lights flew by as I ran full speed down the open highway. The road was empty and like 'him' I had found a new love for running, the freedom it brought me as the wind whipped at my face was exhilarating.

The small two bedroom house hadn't changed a single bit, it had been repainted but only to restore it to its normal look. I stood looking up at my window aware of the many nights I was certain 'he' had stood here looking up before jumping and shimmering in my window… something I was now about to do. I had always kept my window unlocked, even after he left hoping that when he returned - If he returned - he would be able to get in. It wasn't hard to get in.

Not a single thing had been moved. Nothing. There was dust on everything. Opening my closet door I couldn't help but laugh at the clothes, over the last twenty years I had seen how quickly fashion had changed and recharged, it was something that amused me and although I wasn't really interested in it, I found that it kept me connected to Alice. If I knew what was on the catwalk it was easier for me to think of her and imagine what she would look like. My frail human memories were beginning to blur now and so remembering them, all of them was becoming harder and harder. Especially 'Him'.

Something shiny and silver caught my attention and as I bent down to pick it up I found more memories, ones that I had completely blocked out coming to the forefront of my mind.

In my hands I held the car stereo that Emmett had bought me for my eighteenth. It was the one thing that 'He' hadn't taken back when he left, everything else was gone and this was the one thing I had left to prove they were real.

It had stayed in my truck for two weeks after my birthday, I didn't feel a need to use my truck, being that I had no thoughts of ever leaving my bed until the day I had let myself remember that night. I had been trying to figure out what I could have done different, when I remembered my truck and found my curiosity flaring.

I had almost fallen down the stairs as I took off out my front door towards my truck, aware that Charlie was running after me. I flung my car door open and there it still was, the red bow still lying underneath the passenger seat.

"Bella, where are you going?" Charlie probed as he grabbed my arm. My temper ripped out of me and I had to get that out of my truck. I wanted it gone.

"NO WHERE!" I shouted throwing my keys at him as he stumbled back watching me with worrying eyes. I threw the bow at him next and intuition seemed to light his face as he watched me jump across the seat and start clawing at the stereo before finally throwing it at him as well.

The funny thing is the clearest part of the memory, I still remember the bitter pain that flooded my hands as I tore nail after nail down and off, I can still feel the hot blood pumping down my hands as I kept yanking at it and the final snap of the wire as I tore it away from the dashboard.

My one reminder. Now with my enhanced senses, I could smell the stale blood that still remained on the untouched equipment. I dropped it down again and pushed the door shut. I had gotten use to this pain, this emptiness but I as I started to forget more and more, it seemed almost easier to get through the day. Reminders like these… they hurt too much.

I sat down at the end of my bed, like I always did. I wanted a proper view of my room, the way I use to see it. I wanted to remember it incase the next time I came home, it was gone. It had always been a habit of mine to tap my feet when I had been human and it was something I used when I was trying to fit in with the humans, a nervous give. I knew it was silly but I was hoping that maybe if I did it, that even for a tenth of a second I could pretend that I was still just seventeen year old human Isabella Swan that had moved to this god forsaken town as a good gesture for her parents. That any seconds now, the horn would beep and Jacob black would be outside with his dad and mine, showing me my new truck. And for a tenth of a second it worked, that was until I noticed the difference in the sound. My left foot made a hollow noise, whereas the right held more, a shaking that human ears wouldn't have been able to pick up on.

Curiosity was always my biggest problem. I knelt down to examine the floor boards, there was not rotten flesh scent so my ideas of it being a dead rat or mouse was erased immediately. With one finger I flicked the floor board up and froze as I took in what laid in front of me.

Covered in dust and spider webs was the letter I had addressed to Renee, a letter that was full of the negatives of the photos from my birthday, of me and 'Him'. The blank CD case that held the cd that 'He' had created for me… and then there was what was underneath. The photograph taken in the living room downstairs. The one Charlie had taken. The last picture before 'He' left.

Could a vampire throw up? Could a vampire get sick at all? If its possible I was certain I was about to. The hole that had been festering for years grew at a supernatural rate, it tore at what was left of me, everything I had tried to rebuild, everything even Jacob had helped me regain all those years ago. I felt the skin around my eyes tighten, the dry stinging pain that shot through my eyes and I knew that this must be what it feels like to really cry… even without the tears as proof.

I hadn't rebuilt anything, I had only tried to hide it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you sooooo much for the reviews they were truly amazing :) **

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_**Chapter two : Scent**_

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I have to get out of here! My mind was yelling at me, screaming through all the pain that I could feel exploding from me, burning from every nerve ending. It was like the transformation all over again only this was worse, I knew there was no end to this. Not in less I put an end to it.

The Volturi had crossed my mind more than once, 'His' brief explanation of them and his plan had seemed dangerously nerve wrecking at the time but since the big change, there has been many times that it seemed heaven sent, almost meant for me, it was one of our final real conversations and in many ways I'm thankful. Its an option. Not one I take lightly but I would prefer to end it then hurt anyone. 'Go to Italy… provoke the Volturi…' it certainly wouldn't be hard to do.

Within a second, my body had reacted to what I really wanted and so I found myself flying through the air from my window, bouncing along the garden edge towards the forest. Running as fast as my feet would take me. I needed to get the image of the Volturi out of my head. That painting "He' had shown me. I needed it gone.

With my mind preoccupied, I was mostly running thoughtlessly, until I caught on to a scent. My thoughts immediately rearranged themselves and before I knew it I was tracking this strange smell. Definitely vampire but not someone I had encountered in this life. I felt my irritation flare at the wolves, when I had left I had assumed that Jacob Black and the others would look after Charlie until I could return and look after him. If there was a vampire out here stalking around looking for their next meal then they weren't doing what they were meant to be doing… protecting. I tracked the scent through the heavy dark bushes that the above light could not hit through the heavy overgrowth of the trees, it was at least a week old and although the weather had battered most of it away until it was patchy, somehow I was still able to follow the rough direction it led in.

After a few moments, I began noticing a clearing ahead and through the clearing a large white house. A white house I knew too well. The Cullen's old home. I froze. I watched as the shadow was thrown through the light of the living room window. Someone was home.

"Edward" I whispered. It was the first time in twenty years I had said his name. The first time I allowed myself hope that I may see him again. Hope that he is still alive somewhere.

I found my feet moving beneath me, moving without my permission. I needed to see if it was them. It only took moments before the same scent came from everywhere around me, and before I knew it I was standing looking in the three story glass wall, right into the living room. What I saw shocked me though. The place was a mess. This didn't look like the Cullen's house I remembered. The chairs were pushed aside , the dinning room table was in the center of the living room, covered with mounds of papers and books. I tried to focus on what the papers said but even with my extra sight, they were just too far away to read clearly.

The double door which was directly opposite where I was standing flew open and to my surprise Jacob walked in. He hadn't aged a day.

"Doc, I have some news" he shouted up the stairs before walking over to the large wooden table and adding more papers to the already stacked piles. Carlisle flittered down the stairs within mere moments and placed both hands on the table examining whatever Jacob had brought to him. The vampires and wolves worked together now? Maybe a lot had changed in twenty years. Carlisle still hadn't spoken. My human memories hadn't done him any justice at all, it made me wonder what Edward really looked like, maybe my memories had faded of him as well.

"Well… what do you think?" Jacob pushed for an answer. Carlisle began shaking his head, I could hear him muttering but I couldn't make out what he was saying although I could sense the anger that was flying from it.

A second more passed before Carlisle's hand swung out, causing the piles of paper to fly through the air like a party streamer. He huffed.

"NO! NO! NO! its not her Jacob!" Both hands met his forehead as he began pacing. I had always assumed Carlisle didn't have a temper and I seriously doubted him being capable of throwing … wait! My attention reverted back. 'Its not her' he had said. We're they talking about me?

Luckily now that the papers lid across the floor some were close enough for me to see. Police reports of missing girls my age, height, general description. Flyers with my picture. News reports. Newspaper cut outs. General notes about sightings. It was all about me. They were looking for me. But human me. Didn't they know? Didn't Alice see? I had always assumed she saw and the fact they didn't come for me was just more evidence that they no longer cared for me, no longer wanted me. But all this…

"Jacob I don't know what to do. We have to find her, but I don't know where else to look." Carlisle said sinking to the floor. Jacob walked over and place his large hand on Carlisle's shoulder.

"We'll find her doc" he said sincerely. I almost felt my heart breaking even more. Was THAT possible?

"I just wish I had told Edward not to leave, I should have told him to stay… I thought we were doing the right thing, I never thought…" he trailed off as Jacob sat down next to him. "We shouldn't of left. We would still be a family and she would still be here if we hadn't of gone…"

Before I could stop myself, to really think about what I was doing. I placed my hand against the glass. Although softly it was enough to get their attention. Both heads shot up as they caught view of me.

"Bella" Carlisle said slowly as he stiffened, taking in my not aged appearance. He knew instantly.

"Bells" Jacob shouted as he leaped to his feet heading for the garden doors. Carlisle grabbed his arm and lurched him back. Jacobs head swung to him and I could see him trying to control the shaking. "Doc" he choked out.

"She's not human Jacob" Carlisle said as his eyes met mine. The shakes stopped as Jacob stiffened and his icy glare met mine. Could they really be scared of me? I walked at human pace to the back door and with a single slight pull, it opened easily. I kept my eyes on Carlisle's knowing that if he remained calm so would Jacob.

"I…how…" I sighed. I didn't know what to say. Carlisle took a step towards me, obviously measuring me, taking in everything and double checking it. "I wont…" I began shaking my head as Carlisle took a step closer to me. I followed his movements and took one more towards him. Looking at him only brought memories of Edward back, standing here in this house was like pure torture. Maybe I was dead and this was hell.

"But how?" Carlisle finally spoke as he stood now only one more step from me, Jacob close behind.

"Bells, are you okay?" I had heard Jacob normal, I had heard him angry and irritated, I'd even heard him sympathetic but I had never heard him sad, not worried like he was now.

I shot Jacob a small smile "Never better" I let out a one shot laugh, which sounded more like a huff. I could feel the lines between my eyebrows deepen as I looked at Carlisle. "It's a long story but I wont fight… I mean I'm fully in control"

"Yes I see that" he spoke softly as he noted my eyes. "Golden" he spoke as a smile lightened his stressed features.

"Well, I learned from the best" my smile grew wider now. This was so natural, so normal. Like no time had passed… but it had.

I felt the hole again and I wrapped my arms around myself tightly, it was the only way to keep myself from falling apart, it was human and silly but I didn't know what else to do. I heard Jacobs ragged intake of air and flickered my eyes to his face. He watched me with knowing, with understanding.

"Bells" he whispered before walking over to me and wrapped me up in a tight hug. He'd never of held me this tight when I was human, he would have squashed me, probably done more damage than Tyler's stupid van ever could have. "Your home" he whispered into my hair and I couldn't help but tighten my arms around him. This wasn't how I pictured it. I imagined that he would hate me, detest me even. That him and the others would hunt me and try to kill me. I would have never believed that he would still care for me, still treat me like the old me. But that was my stupid assumptions. This was Jacob Black, the ever giving sun. How could I really have doubted him. It was insane.

After a few more seconds, Jacob finally released me and my feet gracefully touched the floor. That wasn't something I would ever get use to. I took one long glance at Jacob before turning back to Carlisle.

"Where should I start?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Past**

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_thank you all for the reviews... soooooo nice of you :) :) :) hope you enjoy!!!_

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"I filled the doc in on everything that happened after they le… erm he thought there might have been something useful…" he trailed off. Poor Jacob, I could only imagine the amount of questions that Carlisle would have asked him.

"Hmmm" I groaned knowing that Carlisle was now fully aware of my zombie depression months… great.

"Bella, I don't judge, if that's what your worried about. I would never." Carlisle spoke softly as he walked over to take my hand. "Its so good to see you again. We've all been so worried." I smiled at him, Carlisle was nothing but sincere and I had really missed him. More than I realized. Without him the Cullen's wouldn't have existed, he was the soul of the family, the family I only ever wanted to join. I flicked through what he had just said again in my head, trying to build the courage to tell him the whole story - there were bits he wouldn't like, bits I'm more than ashamed of - when I suddenly heard the most important thing.

"When you say we've all, who do you mean?" Carlisle was one step ahead of me as usual. He knew exactly what I meant.

"We were in Canada visiting the Denali's. Apparently we had just missed Laurent." I gulped as flashbacks intruded on my thoughts. Carlisle's tone was angrier now "If I had known Bella, I swear we would have hunted him" I nodded, that wasn't his fault. Laurent had everyone fooled. "Well, Edward had departed from us from the moment we left Forks. He said he needed to be alone." I couldn't help but raise my eyebrow at that - alone with his distractions!- Carlisle ignored it and continued while Jacob threw himself mindlessly on the large now off-white love seat, a seat I had sat on many times. "He had agreed to meet us, Esme was worried sick about him and Alice kept having awful visions of him. We arrived there in the early hours of the morning, Edward arrived shortly after." Every time he spoke Edwards name I felt my heart flutter, was that even possible? Could a dead heart beat? Yet, it wasn't long before the pain took its place and I felt it freeze still. "We tried to speak to him, but Bella…" this caught my attention it wasn't often Carlisle was stuck for words. That meant it was bad.

"Was he okay?" my other hand flew up to hold Carlisle's. "Is he okay?"

"Yes technically he's okay. Leaving you changed him, he was a mess but it was expected. Esme and I decided to talk him round to coming back to you." In a much softer tone he whispered "He never wanted to leave you Bella and doing it was destroying him" Jacob huffed but I couldn't take my eyes off of Carlisle. If this was true… I felt hope seeping in.

"Our plan was working it seemed, well more that he was nearly decided to come back long before we met back up with him, he was just looking for a reason." I bit my lower lip, he was coming back to me? Although I didn't need to breath, when I couldn't it was more than uncomfortable. Carlisle took a long deep breath before dropping his eyes and walking away from me towards where most of the papers he'd hit earlier had landed. Bending down and picking up a wrinkled piece of paper he sighed. "It was around 4 am when Tanya finally arrived at the house. It would seem she had befriended one of the local police men and was enjoying her night toying with his emotions. You must remember Bella, Tanya had a little crush on Edward and so when she heard that he had chosen a human over her, well it stung and I guess your name was burned into her memory… She brought this back with her." He handed me the wrinkled paper.

It was my missing persons poster, I assumed she got it from the police department wall as there were holes in all four corners. My photograph was large, placed in the middle of the poster above it read 'Isabella Marie Swan' in large bold capital letters. Beneath was a brief description, the date I went missing - or to be correct, when I was changed - and multiple numbers. I recognized four of them: my house, Charlie's cell, the police department and finally Jacob Blacks house.

"At first we thought it was a cruel joke. Edward had torn into Tanya after Alice admitted to seeing no visions of you. Jealousy, we assumed it was jealousy." He took another deep breath and it was clear he had a guilty conscience.

"Carlisle, its not your fault. Any of you. Its mine and my stupid danger magnets way. I don't… its not your fault." I repeated hoping he'd believe me.

"You always were far too kind to us Bella but we brought them to you, we should have protected you." I shook my head at him but he raised a hand before I could argue it further.

A moment passed and then he continued. "It was actually Rose that figured it out. She had stayed quiet through out the whole confrontation, which wasn't like her at all. After Tanya had left, Rose was the first to speak. 'Edward, I'm a… well I'm sure you could be more inventive with words than the one I would use. You know how I feel about you and Bella but Edward I wouldn't even do what you've accused Tanya of.'" His impersonation was spot on, almost as if it was Rosalie herself standing here talking.

"I bet I could think of better words" Jacob slung from the corner under his breath, both Carlisle and I shot him a disapproving look and he shot a wide toothy Jake grin right back. I had missed that and so I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Then what?"

"Well we all new she was right even Edward. His glare turned into an anxious one as he grabbed his phone from the table top and dialed your home line. It was only seconds later we had our answer…" he trailed off again. "Bella, please you must know not a day has passed that we haven't been looking for you. Even now. Edward is down in Miami, we got a call about a girl that would match the description of thirty eight year old you. He flew out immediately but I haven't heard from him."

I was stunned, he was looking for me, even after all this time. Jacob stood up now and walked towards us.

"Now its your turn, where the hell have you been Bells?" Was it possible that Jacob had grown even taller since I had last seen him. It must have easily been hitting seven foot two now. I tried to organize my thoughts before I began, figuring the best place would be the day I jumped.

"Remember you promised to take me cliff diving" I said nonchalant knowing Carlisle was not going to approve.

"He did what?" I rushed to continue before he could scold him.

"Well, you were busy and I was bored. It didn't look that rough and well… I needed something to take my mind off of everything. I couldn't ride the motorbikes, they were at yours and so I figured that was the best plan." I stared at Jacob as I spoke knowing that Carlisle would certainly disapprove of everything I just said.

"Bella Swan" he started from behind me in a low irritated whisper and I couldn't help but smile.

"So you what? Jumped? Hoped for the best?" Jacobs irritated tone became more present as he spoke until it finally turned into a shout. "ARE YOU INSANE?" I smiled sheepishly before continuing.

"Okay, so here's the thing, I jumped yes it was stupid, yes I know that now and no, if I was human I wouldn't do it again. Okay everyone happy now?" I asked sarcastically as I looked at both pairs of furious eyes. "Well, Victoria found me and technically saved me from drowning so she's not all bad" I tried to make a joke out of it. It didn't work. "Right, erm. So she said that knowing this was the last thing Edward wanted for me, she turned me, she called it perfect revenge. But don't ask me where she is, she didn't stick around. So I took off. Wolves plus new born… not a good combo" The furious eyes watched my every move and it seemed they grew even more angry.

"Bella" Jacob began "You thought I would what? Hunt you? Kill you?" Although his voice was low and quiet it was more than evident that there was very little control left. I wanted to be truthful but I was worried. I didn't want to hurt him, he didn't deserve that.

"No, I didn't know my own… abilities" I looked at Carlisle to save me.

"New borns are very different to us Jacob" he gestured to himself "They have no control and are purely driven by the blood lust" Jacob nodded understanding.

"Have you?" Jacob asked but couldn't finish, I knew what he was getting at though. Carlisle stared at me now… obviously he had been wondering about the same thing.

"No" I spoke softly. Carlisle wouldn't approve of what I was about to say. "I nearly did, that first day was hard. I began making my way across America towards Italy." Carlisle's eyebrows shot up and Jacobs expression became more confused.

"What's in Italy?" he spoke looking back and forth between me and Carlisle.

"The Volturi" I answered not looking at Carlisle but I heard him gasp as he concluded what I had planned. "You could call them vampire royalty. I didn't know much about them, only what I had been told." I stopped and looked at Carlisle knowing his face wasn't going to be easy to take in.

"Okay… Royal bloodsuckers… so what?" Jake still looked completely lost.

"You don't provoke the Volturi in less you want to die" I said as clearly as I could, mimicking Edwards calmness that he had used while telling me. Jacobs face dropped into one of horror as he took in what I meant. "Lets say a lot happened, I changed my mind, I've been traveling keeping a low profile, I checked in on Charlie a few times. I knew he was looking but I didn't know about the rest I swear. I would have come sooner if I did." Carlisle nodded but what I had told Jacob seemed to have hit him hard. He didn't say anything before turning and heading for the door.

"Where you going Jake?" I asked before he managed to escape. He stopped, keeping his back to me.

"I … I need to…erm… check in… I'll be… back." And then he was gone.

"So now what?"

"I should really try to get hold of Edward and the others" he pulled a small cell from his pocket and began dialing. When Edward didn't answer on the first ring, I grabbed his phone and hung up. "Bella what are you doing?"

"I … I cant Carlisle. Its just… I have to go." There was simply too much hope, too much hope he would want me, still need me. He had left me. I couldn't expect that he would want to be with me after all this time, it was clear he was only looking for me because of his guilty conscious and I couldn't live through him leaving me again. I needed to let him go.

"What does that mean?" Carlisle's expression was full of confusion and I couldn't blame him for that.

"Tell them I'm fine, tell them…" - I have to let him go, I kept repeating to myself - "not too worry. Tell him… tell him not to look for me. His conscious is clear. I'm fine and I don't hate him." It felt like dieing all over again.

"Bella, I think there's some kind of confus…" I didn't let him finish.

"Tell him Goodbye"


	4. Chapter 4

_OMG I cant believe all the lovely reviews!!! thank you sooo much!!! :) _

_note: the new characters name is pronounced as it sounds... _

_Enjoy :)_

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**Chapter 4: Uninvited**

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I ran from the house, leaving Carlisle gob-smacked. I needed to get out of Forks before Edward returned. If I saw him then … no I couldn't even think of him anymore. I needed to get out of here. If the powers-that-be had wanted us to be together. If it was our fate then we would have been by now. Traveling the world for twenty years makes it look a lot smaller. Edward just needed to get rid of his guilty conscious then he could move on… like I needed too.

The trees bent out of my way as the wind blew faster around me as I ran further and further towards the Forks border. Truth be told I didn't know where I was going. I just knew I needed to get out of here. I needed to remove myself from this whole situation.

I couldn't seem to remove Carlisle's face from my mind. My human vision really hadn't seen him at all and it surely didn't remember him clearly. I couldn't help but let my mind wonder to what Edward would really look like. How beautiful would he really be.

I didn't stop running all night or the next day, or the next. I kept to the forests during the day and only used the roads or towns during the night, when I had too.

The night had settled in and the clouds were no where to be seen. Florida was the complete opposite to Forks in everyway. I watched carefully from the windows and listened intently to all the noises, only the bugs were moving. Knowing my mother all too well and knowing exactly where the spare keys were kept, I walked straight in the back door. I had come to visit Renee much more often than Charlie. Charlie was in Forks, a place where fairytales seemed to come true only to be ruined by nightmares. Here in Florida, everyone was blissfully normal with no clue as to what really went bump in the night. I stood outside my mom's bedroom door peering through the small crack, I could understand why Edward liked to watch me sleep when I watched her. She spoke and turned, shouted and cried. She even spoke my name a few times. I knew it was selfish, that I shouldn't want her to be sad over me but I couldn't help myself. I needed to know that someone really missed me and cared for me, for real reasons apart from guilt. I wanted to know that somewhere in this world someone still loved me. Here with Renee, I got that. I slid down the wall till my back was leaning on the wall just outside her room. Here I could still hear and see everything but I could also be peaceful enough to know that if she suddenly woke up I would have time to hide. There was wanting to know I was missed and then dragging her into this mess, I didn't want her to be afraid.

As I sat, I thought. And as I thought, time passed without me realizing. A short knock woke me from my daydream and I found myself hiding as Renee went to open the door. The wind blew up the stairs and smacked me hard. It was a scent I recognized. Charlie. What was he doing here?

"How was the flight?" Renee asked as I heard banging and what sounded like steam. I concluded she was making him a drink.

"Long. Boring. The usual." Charlie responded. Nothing had changed with him, personality wise.

They continued to talk about the weather, about the leak that had been driving Renee crazy for weeks before they finally approached the subject of me. He spoke about sightings and about evidence that had turned up and yet, he was still no closer to finding me. I couldn't help but laugh. If they knew I was sitting at the top of the stairs listening in on every word… if they knew just how close. I laughed again, and although it was funny I couldn't help but feel guilty. Of course the guilt made me think back to Carlisle's face, which led me straight to thinking of Him.

I was snapped straight out of those thoughts when my memory picked up on a sound I had only heard in her sleep. Renee was crying. I wanted to run to her, to tell her I was fine but I wouldn't be able to explain, it wasn't possible. So instead I did what I seemed to be good at… I ran away.

For the next few days, I found myself running, stopping occasionally but mainly running. All I wanted was to not think about anything but to let the inner animal take over… I tried… it didn't work. Before I knew it I found myself heading back towards Forks but then sanity kicked in and before I knew it I was running even quicker in the opposite direction. This happened continuously for two weeks.

I knew I needed to go back. I knew it but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want Edward to feel like he had to be with me. I didn't want to be included in that family in less they really wanted me too.

Over the time I spent traveling, I had met others like myself and one by one they tried to get me to give into my blood lust and one by one, it drove me further from it. I was thankful for that. I hadn't met any of our kind - apart from Carlisle - in a while and so when I picked up a familiar scent, I ran towards it. Xafner was like no other I knew. She ate to survive and for no other reason, she took no joy in the kill or the hunt. It was why we got on, why I trusted her… Tall, Blonde and with a figure that would make even Rosalie jealous, the supermodel was the only one I really felt connected too. After a quick hello, she saw straight through my false happiness and had me explaining everything. I had told her previously about everything that had happened and she had insisted on me trying to use my 'abilities' to help me move on. It had worked as well. For six years I was distracted with a 'distraction' of my own… training, but even then I found my thoughts wondering to Edward and what he would think. To Carlisle and the many questions. Even to Emmett, I could imagine all the ways he would call me a cheater and his continuous attempts to play fight with me. Not to mention the jokes. Even with the extra vampire abilities, Xafner always said I was the clumsiest being on the earth. At least I wasn't a danger magnet anymore.

"So tell me everything?" She flashed her perfect glowing grin at me in an attempt to get my attention.

"I don't know where to begin…" I answered honestly. She gave me a look I recognized and before I knew it I was spilling every detail. She had mastered her powers many years ago and so it took very little effort.

"You need to go back" she finally concluded.

"No way!"

"Bella, are you not curious? What if your wrong about his motives?" I shrugged. She was right, as usual, and I knew it.

I spent the next few days hunting with her. Unlike the Cullen's she would occasionally feed from a human but she wasn't picky. When she was with me she hunted as I did, she often tried to stay away from civilization and so her eyes were very rarely red. I couldn't seem to get her question off my mind - what if I was wrong about his motives? - is it possible that I could be. That he left for me and would still want me. I pondered over it.

"Are we going back yet? I've always wanted to see this Forks place?" Xafner interrupted my thoughts as she threw the drained deer away from her.

"We?" she had caught me off guard. "You would come?"

"Of course! You didn't think I would let you walk into that by yourself. Besides this way you wont be able to deny his motives!" she laughed, turning the whole thing into a joke.

"I don't know. Maybe." I began hunting again wanting the conversation to be over, to give myself time to think.

I searched for a smell in the distance, the further the better. While Xafner jumped on the closest deer. I picked up a mountain lion in the distance and ran as fast as I could towards it. As I hit it, something hit me.

Iron tight hands gripped me to the floor as I tried to shake the hair from my face. The inner survival trait took over and I found myself calculating ways to kill what ever was holding me. My back curved, my teeth bared, my body began to coil in order to spring free. It was then that the wind blew and my hair ruffled off my face and away from my eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**_WOW thank you for the reviews... i love them! you all are amazing... thank you!!!_**

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Chapter 5: Forgive me?

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Deep golden eyes bore into mine as messy auburn hair ruffled down towards me. I couldn't breathe. I just simply stared back. My body relaxed almost immediately and I was sure I could feel my dead heart beating wildly. We just stared, neither talking, neither breathing.

"Bella" Xafner shouted from the distance. I tried to respond but nothing came out. I bit my lower lip as I started to feel the hole in my chest widen.

His face was serious but around his eyes I could see the pain, he took a deep breath and with that his face softened but there was still something, some emotion I couldn't seem to name.

"You still smell the same" he whispered s softly. I couldn't speak. He was really here. He released my right hand and moved it to stroke my face "My Bella" his voice was shaky, I could almost feel the pain emanating from it.

"Get off of her" Xafner's voice was close now and I could hear the earth rumbling as she ran, getting closer by each second. It seemed almost immediate that she smashed into him, taking him with her as she tumbled into a tree. A growl rippled from her as I watched her take the crouching position ready to attack him.

But Edward didn't move, he didn't even look at her. Instead his eyes were on me and as I stood, he did. She growled again.

"Xafner its ok" a whisper was all I could manage. I couldn't take my eyes from him now. I had been right. My human eyes hadn't done him justice at all. He didn't look like an angel, no angel could possibly be that beautiful.

"Bella what's going on?" she asked irritated, looking back and forth like a cartoon character.

"E-Ed-Edw-Edward" from the corner of my eye I could see her eyes grow wide as she turned and stared at him as well.

"Hello" He spoke, finally turning to look at her. His eyes found mine again almost instantly as he started walking towards me. It was then that I noticed it, that unknown emotion. He looked wild, like a human who hadn't slept in months, almost crazed. "Bella" he whispered again, so quiet that human ears wouldn't of heard him. It took under a second for him to be in front of me, just centimeters away. "You still look the same as well" he smiled softly stroking my face again. I couldn't fight him off, I didn't want too. I just stared again. "Carlisle told me what happened. Why didn't you wait for me?"

"I didn't… I don't… you don't have to be with me or nice to me… you didn't have to come after me" I finally managed to say.

"I didn't have to come after" he huffed "Bella, I've combed this earth for you for twenty years." he laughed but it wasn't one of joy, instead the pain and anger flowed through it, weaving its own musical tune. "I never dreamed, I didn't expect you to be… if I had known I would have found you sooner. I was just looking in the wrong places…" he trailed off lost in thought. His face turned angry now, his whole expression twisted. "When I find Victoria…" he snarled out.

"Edward" it was unbelievable to me how natural it felt saying his name again after all these years.

"How are you Bella? I know that's a stupid question but…"

"I'm fine" I tried to get out steadily but instead my voice broke and his expression shifted quickly as he pulled me into his arms tightly.

He was hugging me. His steel arms wrapped tightly around me as he held me tighter than he ever had, than he ever could. I breathed in his scent and I felt the hole begin its torture as he pulled back slowly.

"Can you forgive me?" he whispered into my ear. This was it. This was the time I could clear his conscious, let him move on finally. I nodded knowing I would never be able to speak convincingly. I had never blamed him for any of this, I had never hated him or wished him unwell. It wasn't his fault I was born with a bull's-eye painted on my head and yet, to forgive him meant I would lose him forever. To my surprise he pulled me closer to him, tighter than before. I could feel his nose rubbing my head and then felt something else. Was it possible that he just kissed my forehead?

"There's humans coming, we need to leave now" Xafner's voice came from behind. He left go of me but instead of leaving, he took my hand and smiled at me.

"Shall we?" he looked down at me from under his lashes and just like before, I was dazzled.

Xafner, Edward and I ran quickly into the forest, getting deeper and deeper until we came across the small cottage Xafner called home.

"Well this is my stop" She was strange, even for one of our kind. She wasn't settled and yet she wasn't a nomad. She liked to travel but in every town she seemed to own some kind of property. She looked at Edward, I noticed her taking in his outfit. To my surprise I hadn't looked, I hadn't even thought about it. It was then it all hit me. It wasn't just his face that looked crazed, it was everything, his hair was a mess, his clothing tattered and old. I couldn't be positive but I was nearly certain it was the same outfit he was wearing the day he left. "It was nice to finally meet you Edward" she winked at him before turning towards her home.

"You too, goodbye Xafner" he smiled at her.

This was my stop as well. I started walking after her but Edward never left go of my hand so instead I ended up being whipped around to face him as he pulled me back.

"Where are you going?" his confusion took me by surprise. Why did he care? He had his forgiveness.

"Erm, into the house" I responded. I was certain my own eyes showed my utter confusion.

"But why?"

"This is where I'm staying at the moment"

"Do you have belongings here?" I could see him trying to calculate my response.

"No but…"

"But why then" he butted in. "If we leave now, we can make it across state by nightfall."

I was officially lost. "Huh?" I kept running over his words in my head as he watched me trying to read my expressions.

"I'm going to leave you both to figure this out. Don't wait so long to visit me again Bells" and with that her door shut.

"Edward, what? I mean… huh?"

"Do you not… want to… come… with me?" I could see the realization hit him as he realized I never planned on returning with him.

"Its okay now… I can let you go. I'm okay and you don't have to feel guilty about anything. I don't mind this." I said gesturing to myself. He stared at me for a few moments, his expression changing almost every second as if he was calculating something and didn't like the answer, so he kept recalculating it, hoping for it to change. I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to hold this clear expression and I knew that as soon as he was gone I was going to crumble into pieces. I didn't want to think about how painful losing him for a second time was going to be.

"You think… I came after you… because of guilt?" he finally let tumble out.

"Yes and its okay. I mean it." His expression turned angry.

"Isabella. You really have no idea do you?"

"Idea about what?"

"How I feel about you." I shook my head. That was it, I couldn't hold my composure anymore and so I clenched my teeth and let the word vomit roll out.

"Why are you doing this to me Edward? He stared at me, shocked.

"Because I still Love you. I always will." He took my face in both his hands.

"But you said that you didn't love me anymore, that you didn't want me. You don't love me, you feel guilty and that's stupid, I'm fine but Edward I cant take this again. I wont survive it. So just… go." The pain ripped through me and I was certain he could read t on my face.

He was frozen, he lent back slightly and just stared at me.

"Bella, you are utterly absurd. I left because I didn't want this for you. I wanted you to keep your soul. To have a normal life. I didn't want to leave but I thought it was the only way. When I asked for your forgiveness it wasn't for taking so long to find you or out of guilt, which by the way I do, I feel terribly guilty and so I should. I brought this on you and didn't protect you from it. But Bella, that's not why I asked you. I lied to you that day and that's what I wanted forgiveness for. I love you Bella. I will always love you, no matter what."

"I… er…. I…" I couldn't seem to get words out, my brain wasn't working. His deep eyes bore down into mine searching for some answer and with that his grip on my face tightened and he pulled me to him.

His lips found mine with force, he had never kissed me this way. This desperately. "Come home" he said softly before kissing me again. His kisses were deep and passionate and with each kiss he seemed to let him self truly be himself. They were powerful and full of emotion. "Please" he begged between kisses. "Come home with me."

I couldn't resist. I pulled back from him and searched his face for something that said he didn't want me, for any clue this was just guilt but I could only see truth.

I smiled at him and he took that as a yes. Taking my hand he pulled me into the forest away from the small cottage and towards Forks.

"Bet you still cant run faster than me" he laughed. This all felt too natural. I dug my feet in deeply and sprung out of his hand and further into the darkness with him close on my trail.

We ran like this for a few moments before he finally jumped and pushed me to the floor under him. It was as if he was in hysterics. He couldn't stop laughing and seeing him that happy made me laugh. His laughing abruptly stopped as he kissed me softly.

"I couldn't watch you run away from me." He rested his forehead to mine. "It felt like I was losing you again." He shuddered.

"Don't ever leave me again" I let out without thinking about it and in return he kissed me and whispered to me.

"Never… Ever… Again"

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**_I know what your thinking ... dont worry Edwards not going to get off that lightly... it has been 20 years after all!!!!_**

**_And dont worry... its far from over!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Sorry it took soooo long... but i promise to make it better.... this one is a lot longer than the others and it contains some lemon goodness :) ... forgive me yet???_**

**_Enjoy ... reviews make me type faster.... just so you know haha!_**

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_Chapter Six : United_

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As we ran, we talked and as we talked we laughed. It felt like he had never left. The distance that had grown over the years between us immediately closed. He stopped looking up towards the tall over cast mucky mountains.

"Edward?" I whispered, not really wanting to disturb him. He had this childish yet ecstatic look on his face. The look a five year old has Christmas morning when they first see all the shiny boxes filled with surprises.

"Come with me" he said gently tugging on my hand that he already held. We ran - no where near as fast this time - towards to top of the mountain. We stood at its highest peek, slightly above the low rising mist that covered the ground beneath us. If I had ever felt like I was truly in heaven it was now. I was with him. It felt like I was standing on a cloud. Heaven.

"Look" he whispered not wanting to ruin the atmosphere I suspected. He pointed towards the setting sun as it bruised the surrounding sky, letting the last few rays burn.

It was beyond beautiful… no words to describe the perfectness of everything in that moment. I was positive there was nothing in this world that could make this moment better.

I was wrong

One of the final rays skated across the mountains finally hitting us, I had seen Edward glitter before. I knew of how this suited him, how I wished life was simpler so that the whole world could see this, that they could see the beautiful real side of Edward he hid away so often. It was more breath taken this time though, for the first time I had the chance to really see him without the blurred vision in the way. Heaven.

His expression caught my attention as he stared at me completely in shock. He didn't say anything, he just stared.

"Edward?" I barely whispered.

"Shh" he replied instantly and just continued to stare. And so I let him. As he stared I stared until the ray finally disappeared and the two of us stood in darkness. "Perfect" he spoke softly as he place a hand on my cheek and dropped his head to kiss me. Slowly and cautiously he kissed my lips before throwing his entire body into it. The cautiousness disappeared and all that was left was his urgent need for me. We fell to the floor, my legs wrapping around him and pulling him towards me, tighter. As I pulled him tighter, he kissed me harder. Finally leaving my lips to explore my jaw line and my ear. "Perfect" he growled seductively into my ear again and that did it. The bottled up emotions from the twenty years of being a vampire plus the few months I knew him as a human tore out of me and I turned him until he was beneath me.

This time I explored him. There was nothing to stop me. No restraint needed. Nothing. Just me and him. Yet these clothes were in the way - irritating - I wanted to finally feel him. As I pulled my top off over my head I leant down to undo his shirt but his hands grasped my wrists and his breathing faltered. I froze. He didn't want me.

"Bella" he began but it was enough for me to want to run and hide. I pushed away from him but he didn't let go. "If we do this, I cant lose you… ever" he said softly not meeting my eyes. That is what this was about? He thought he'd lose me.

I lunged my body towards his and he flipped me over on my back, still holding my hands he pushed them to the ground above. His kisses came fiercer and stronger. I didn't want to undo the buttons on his shirt and so I tore at it till it tore off him.

He kissed down my body, exploring every inch with his tongue. This was nothing that I had ever felt before. His hands flew to my waist band of my jeans and in one swift movement he unbuttoned and unzipped them, slowly pulling them down while pulling my pants down with them. He moaned as he pulled them completely off and started kissing up my leg, following it closely with his tongue.

I couldn't help but moan his name and as I did he seemed to get even more into it. Shivers attacked my spine the closer he got towards my center and so I threaded my hands through his hair as he got nearer.

"mmmm Edwa-----rdddd" I let out as his tongue ran up the opening towards my core. Beginning slowly he flicked his tongue back and forth making the strangest of feelings pass through my body. He started getting faster and faster making me moan louder and pant. He introduced his long fingers into the equation and before I knew it my whole body started doing small spasms, my head arched back and my back lifted from the floor. How was he so perfect at it the first time. My hands gripped the floor as I dug my nails into the dirt for something to keep me grounded.

He started to kiss slowly up past my navel towards my chest as I gathered the pieces of my mind back together and as soon as I did I rolled him onto his back. He let out a shaky laugh as I bit his lower lip before dragging my tongue down his body softly flicking the skin as I went.

Slowly watching his face carefully I undone each button, and with each button he moaned a little bit deep from his chest - his perfect rock hard but somehow soft chest. In a quick movement I had his trousers down and I decided to tease him the same way he did to me. I started at his ankles, and slowly nibbled my way up his legs towards his thigh. As I reached the top of his thigh I finally allowed myself to take notice of erection. I had never seen one in person but I was sure that it was beyond perfect just like the rest of him. I tried to think back to the many in-depth conversation, or well more of story telling that Xafner had put me through, the constant flow of details of what she had done to men time and time again.

Starting at the tip all I did was simply blow on it, immediately his hands tore into the ground as mine had before. He reached up almost as if to tell me I didn't have to but was he insane, in this moment there was nothing I wanted more than to taste him. I watched as the first drops of liquid came out and just knew instantly that I wanted to know exactly what that tasted of and so I wrapped my tongue around the top slowly and softly and couldn't help but smile when I heard him moan my name.

Perfect.

I let my mouth slowly engulf him and began moving up and down, with each movement he moaned louder and louder.

"Bella…don..t…ohhhhh….bell….la……don't…….aaahhh…sto…p…" and I had no intention of it. His hands moved from the ground into my hair as he pulled it back so he could see exactly what I was doing. Almost as if he was studying me. The moaning continued.

I could feel him twitching as his hips rocked back and forth with me. His hands moved suddenly from my hair down to my shoulders and before I realized what was happening, I was lying flat on my back with him between my legs. I could feel him at my entrance as he kissed me fiercely and so I decided to wrap my legs tightly around him. As I did this he pushed slowly into me. I felt my hands dig into his back as his hand held harder onto my head. Slowly he began moving and then faster until he was going at a perfect speed. I felt him twitch inside me again and heard him moan as he exploded inside me.

I let my hips drop to the floor certain that meant it was over but I was wrong. He started slowly again and after a few moments I felt him stiffen again and I couldn't help but want to be on top. We rolled until I was on top and I pushed up so that I was sitting on him, his hands gripped my hips and he began moving me up and down as I rocked faster. I started to feel it building again and knew I was close, although this time it felt different. This time it felt more powerful already. Our moaning was in-sync as we both gained closer to climax.

"To..ge..ther..r" he moaned and I nodded. I felt the twitching and pulsing begin from him which told me he was ready and so just as I was about to reach it I nodded down at him to signal.

As his hips hit the floor, my whole body flopped to his chest. I lid there, panting. His arms encircled me and I couldn't believe what had just happened.

"I love you" I heard him whisper through his ragged breaths.

"I love you" I barely got out as I tried to control my breathing.

We stayed like that for what could have been an eternity but I was certain it was only moments before he rolled us both on our sides and began stroking my face.

"This is like a dream" he commented as he kissed the tip of my nose.

"I don't ever want to wake up" I responded as he leant his forehead against mine.

Eventually we got up and got dressed with what remained of our clothing but everything was different now. There was this feeling, this urge. It reminded me of the urge to drink blood… it wasn't a want it was a need… and I was in need of more. I knew I had to learn to control it and so I concentrated extremely hard to. Unfortunately this meant I wasn't speaking and so I kept getting that look from Edward. The same one I had received off of him a hundred times in the past.

"Is there any chance that if I asked you what you were thinking you would actually tell me?" he finally asked pulling me to a stop. The sun was already beginning to rise and I didn't want this particular perfect night to end.

I smiled at him and shook a No.

"Please Bella…" he begged taking my face in both his hands.

"Well…" this was going to be embarrassing. "You know that instant need for blood…" I spoke not meeting his eyes and so when he finished my sentence I was surprised.

"This is the same. I know… I agree…" he said as he kissed my forehead. "I was hoping you would distract me long enough to get my mind from it but then you went silent and now…" he was barely talking above a whisper and I could hear the want in every word.

"So what do we do?" I said finally looking into his deep black eyes.

"Learn to control it I guess" I said as he licked his bottom lip. That did it. I pushed him to the ground, kissing him and sucking on that button lip before speaking again. His hands roamed up my back and into my hair only letting me barely separate from his mouth.

"Please tell me learning comes later?" I laughed shakily as I raised an eyebrow at him. He nodded furiously and pulled me closer to him as we began to devour each other.

At this rate we were never going to make it across state lines.

Later came all too fast and it was clear that neither of us wanted to actually get up but we did.

Control, control, control, control, control. I said over and over again to myself hoping it would work. It didn't and so I tried a conversation.

"So what has everyone been up to?" I couldn't look at him, looking at him only gave me ideas and from the way he kept his eyes from me I was guessing he had the same problem.

"Ohh… erm… Alice is studying fashion… as if she needs too, its all she seems to do these days, that and mope… erm Jasper is doing a History course. He was something new and seen as he lived through it pretty much, he thought it would be easier, he's not really around that often. It kept them busy between searching for you. Errr Rosalie and Emmett, well… things haven't been great there for awhile. Shortly after… umm…" his expression made it all too clear what he meant. "… they went on another holiday but returned less than a week later not talking."

"Are they still together?"

"Yes, just not as close. They argue… a lot." he sighed.

"But Alice and Jasper are okay just not around a lot, right?" his expression twisted.

"Actually, when I said they weren't around a lot… I meant, they weren't around a lot together or at all. When they are… there isn't much said between them. Its horrible to be around."

"Okay, But Esme and Carlisle? I mean there still the perfect couple right?" he looked into the distance and sighed.

"When you saw Carlisle, did you see Esme?"

"No but…"

Edward just shook his head. I couldn't breathe. The whole family had fallen apart. What had happened.

"How?"

He took a deep breath before stopping all together. He pulled me over towards a fallen tree trunk and sat down guiding me on to his lap. His forehead rested against my shoulder as he began.

"Bella, when we left you, we knew it would be difficult but never dreamed… losing you felt like someone died. It was horrible. I know I didn't help the situation. I didn't want to live. I locked myself away in my room. Alice would bring me something from the hunt if she saw I was on the verge of losing control. I just didn't care. With out you my life felt plain. Dead. I didn't realize what it was doing to the others. Jasper blamed himself and every time he felt my emotions he only got worse. Every time he felt how sad Alice was he got worse at the thought of causing her so much pain. All he did was push us all away."

"But it wasn't his fault…"

"Bella we all knew that but when your angry you blame. And we did…"

"Edward" I scolded. "Poor Jasper…"

"We know… trust me, the only reason he still comes around was because we tried to make amends… me and Alice both"

"What else happened?"

"Jasper pushed us especially Alice, it got to a point where he couldn't handle her pain and started going on hunting trips by himself for days at a time. He gave in and started feeding on humans." I felt my eyes grow wide. "He didn't feel like he deserved her anymore so he waited for the day that she told him to go… of course she never did but the damage was done… his mind was set to waiting."

"Poor Jasper" I said again. "Esme?"

"She said losing you was like losing her child all over again. She couldn't just move on with her life. She took off one day. I had been so consumed with wanting death I didn't hear it and Alice was so caught with Jasper that she didn't see it. Carlisle went after her and found her on the border to Forks. She had been debating on if she just come and get you, change you and then I wouldn't have a reason to keep you away. She didn't get close enough to hear that you were missing though. Things were downhill from there, she was always busy and throwing herself into work. Carlisle did the same. Rosalie and Emmett … after we left… Emmett lost his humor from what I understand… I didn't notice to be honest. He grew angry and it didn't take much to start an argument with him. Rosalie, Alice told me, she blamed herself. She thought that maybe if she was nicer to you, if she welcomed you more that some how it would have been different. She too often thought about just coming to get you but never had the stomach to do it to me.

Me… I caused this… thinking I knew what was best."

"Edward don't… this wasn't your fault either… okay you may have decided to leave but… we knew from that first day in the meadow it would end, when I was human we were just too different."

"Maybe…" he trailed off, the sadness thick in every word.

"No maybes… I don't blame anyone… I did for a long time, but I don't anymore." when I said this he looked at me, almost shocked. "What?"

"How can you not blame me Bella… twenty years you've been alone, you had to go through all this" he gestured towards me "by yourself because of me… how can you not?" he shook his head.

"I just don't. Danger magnet remember… I would have been dead anyway if it wasn't for you" I shrugged. He went to argue but I placed my hand firmly across his mouth. "So what happened then?"

"I noticed what was going on and decided to do something. So I left…" he sighed heavily " I thought without me they would all be better off. I got a phone call begging me to meet them a few weeks or so later and I agreed. Time really stopped meaning anything to me. We all went to the Denali's but the others got there first. When Tanya returned home she brought a flyer with her…"

"The missing person flyer… Carlisle told me this bit already" I interrupted. He nodded.

"We searched everywhere, went back to Forks, befriended the wolves… just everywhere but you just weren't there. We didn't know to look for you like this so we were looking in all the wrong places. Carlisle and Esme went separate ways to find you this one time that we had a few different sighting… and after that Esme always seemed to go separate. Rosalie and Emmett went together a few times but it always ended in arguments, same with Alice and Jasper… eventually we all took off on our own to find you… its been over ten years… we check in, we talk but nothing more." I watched the pain spread deeper into his eyes, this was the same crazy look I had seen on him earlier.

"We need to fix this Edward."

"I agree but I don't know how…"

My brain went into over thinking mode and somewhere between guilt and tearless sobs I came up with a plan.

"I do. We just need…"


	7. Chapter 7

**_WOW! thanks for the awesome reviews! your all amazing and im so thankful for them... heres another chapter... hope you enjoy!!!_**

**_all rights belong to SM... she is awesome _**

also... i have changed this story to be rated M but for some reason it keeps changing back... :(

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**_Chapter 7: Blame_**

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We needed Alice. She was the key to solving this problem. Not one of them would dare cross her even if she was super tiny and looked as harmful as a small bug. But just like the tiny ant, things with her were never as they seemed.

"Alice. That's where we will start. Do you know where she is?" he stared at me in confusion.

"Alice?" he repeated. "Why would she be…" I cut him off.

"Edward. Think about it. Alice always got her way, no one could stay mad at her or go against her. She was Alice and she was always right." I let out a small laugh as he studied my face and what I had just said. "Besides, she's better at planning than we both are." It was the truth.

He took a deep breath as he stroked my face before getting up. "Alice."

As we ran I noticed the difference in myself, in my attraction for Edward. It was still there but knowing that the whole family needed us seemed to take over and free me from the urgent needs. I still couldn't bare to let go of his hand though. This was going to be difficult and I needed him by me if it was going to work. I needed to trust him. Could I trust him? Would I ever again? I watched him from my side profile and noticed as he looked back at me the same way. There was longing in his eyes and yet the dark lust seemed to have completely vanished.

It felt like we had passed a million trees before we reached the edge of our destination. If Edward was right about what he thought he knew, Alice was here. He had spoken briefly to her about her small apartment when she had first moved here and so he was certain that she would be simple to find.

He was wrong.

There was no scent… nothing to follow. Where was she? We walking around the whole town looking to pick up on some sort of trail, we started at the most expensive shops and worked our way around to the cheaper ones but there was nothing.

"Maybe she doesn't live here anymore" I shrugged to Edward but he ignored me. The moonlight bounced off of his perfect high cheekbones casting shadows across his face from his heavy long lashes.

"No, she's here… it just doesn't make sense." He finally responded. "Where is her scent. Its Alice, she lives to shop…" he kept looking backwards and forwards as if trying to figure out which way was best to try next.

"Why cant we just call her?" I asked fully aware of the answer but thinking it was a stupid one.

"If I just tell her, she wont believe me, she has to see you Bella, she thinks… when you vanished from her visions she was certain you were…" his voice broke and lowered "I guess she was right" he spoke softly.

"Never bet against Alice, even I know that!" I tried to lighten the mood with mock horror but it didn't work.

"Maybe this way…" he trailed off as he dragged me in the same direction we had just come from.

"Enough" I said sternly as I pulled him to a stop. Over the year I had grown fully accustom to my strength but something about my strength with Edward still amazed me. "Call her, don't mention me. Just say your in town and want to see her… tell her you need to talk or something?" he looked down at me puzzled.

"Maybe she doesn't. Like you said, she couldn't see me. Maybe because I'm here…" I didn't expect that to make sense, I made it up on the spot hoping to convince him through lies but actually… that could be right… technically. Hmm.

Edward watched me for a few moments more before pulling out his phone and calling her. As she answered he placed a finger to my lips to remind me to stay silent. I assumed he had to do that because I felt the uncontrollable grin spread across my face the second I heard her voice.

"Alice, how are you?"

"Edward, I didn't see you deciding to call me, how strange. Did you just decide now?" Edward smiled in response to her. I was right.

"Pretty much. Where are you?"

"I'm at my apartment… why?" she could undoubtedly hear the hidden meanings in his words.

"I mean where is your apartment, I'm in town and I thought I…"

"Now's not a good time Edward." Her voice was harsh and low as she cut him off mid sentence.

"Alice, its extremely important that I speak with you immediately."

She was quiet for a moment. "Edward do you not realize what the date is?" her voice was so low and pained that I nearly ripped the phone from his hand.

"Its September or is it October?" he really had lost track of time. "Its not Christmas is it?" I knew what the date was but watching him fumble around the months had caught me off guard. The Edward I knew over thought everything, you couldn't take him by surprise no matter how hard you planned it.

"Edward, its September 13th" she barely whispered to him.

His eyes immediately met mine as I watched shock and recognition take over.

"I don't want you to be here… not today…" she spoke again. He was frozen, now he truly did look like a statue of a Greek God. He didn't even respond, didn't breath… he just stared at me. "Today is the day I ruined everything…"

I knew at any moment Alice was going to hang up and so I decided to do something I wasn't sure about but she couldn't blame herself. I reached up and snatched the phone from his still hands, he didn't even slightly move, shocked into stillness, that's a first. I laughed inwardly.

"Alice Cullen, you listen to me young lady." I scolded playfully. "I want to see you and I cant until you tell me where the heck you are." There was more silence. Did I hang up? That would be great, I sighed. After a few more moments I couldn't help but ask again. "Alice?"

"Bella" she whispered down the phone, the shock was so evident it was heartbreaking.

"Miss me?" I spoke softly as I felt the sting of dry tears burning inside my eyes. Silence. "Where are you Alice?"

"You know Main Street?" she finally asked.

"Yep on it now actually…"

"Go to the end, turn on to Val Verda, take that right to the end, you'll come to South Bountiful Blvd, go onto Sunset Hollow drive… I'm apartment 18C" although she was talking, this wasn't the Alice I knew… where was the playfulness and the laughter… where was MY Alice.

"We'll be there soon" I commented as I went to close the phone but I heard her call my name. "Yes?"

"How are you?" her voice was shaky.

"Better now." I said smiling up at Edward who had seemed to defrost a little. "I'll see you soon"

I looked at Edward, his eyes were full of sadness.

"What?"

"I didn't… I stopped waiting for your birthday a long time ago, it was too painful and now I have you and I still messed it up… why didn't you say anything?" As he spoke the ashamed tone broke at me, pulling my dead heart further apart.

"Its not a big deal. This is. I have plenty of birthdays for you to make it up to me… don't worry" I smiled as I stood on my toes to kiss him gently. "She's waiting for us" he nodded and I knew he was still beating himself up over it.

We followed the directions and found Alice's in no time. All the lights were out and to the outside world, the place looked empty.

"You sure this is it?" Edward said as he sniffed the air.

"Yep" I sniffed as well.

"I don't smell her, Smells as if she was never here." I looked at Edward and I instantly knew something was wrong. I ran to the door not caring if anyone saw. They wouldn't believe it anyway, besides I didn't intend to stay here for long.

As I went to knock, Edward behind me, the door flew open. I stood staring into the dark onyx eyes of my true best friend. Her eyes grew as she took in my obvious non-aging and again as she put together all the clues - pale skin, golden eyes, the scent - her head twisted slightly to the side as I threw my arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Bella you're a… since… how?"

"Long story." I laughed. I noticed the constant looks back and forth from her to Edward. "Okay, share the hidden secret or I swear I'm coming in!" I shrugged.

"You can do that?" Alice's eyes beamed with awe as she took me in another embrace. This was more like the Alice I knew. She wasn't quite there but she seemed to be getting better.

"Alice, when was the last time you left this place?" Edward asked aloud, turning and looking towards the door. I hadn't noticed the room until now. It was dark, everything had its perfect place but it wasn't hard given there wasn't much. Another stack of papers and clippings caught my eye but that was all.

"It's been awhile." She shrugged turning back to me.

"Awhile?" I asked raising my eyebrows at her. We stood in the dark but it didn't distract from my view.

She huffed before turning her back on us to pace quietly and gracefully before us. "I came here to think, to get away from it all… when I really thought about it… it was my fault" she whispered, eyes to the ground.

"How?" I asked softly standing in front of her now.

"I made you have that stupid party that you didn't even want… I put Jazz in that situation" she looked now at Edward and the pain emptied from her, seeping into his eyes. "I took her from you." Her eyes suddenly flicked to me. "And now here you are, one of us… how Bella?"

"Long story short… I jumped off a cliff" I waited knowing the angry expression I was going to receive from her. When she gave me what I wanted I continued. "Victoria found me… let say, she played a little…" I heard a small gasp escape her lips and I almost instantly felt the moment Edwards eyes dropped to the ground… "then she turned me to get back at Edward. Bing, Bang, Bosh… here I am" I smiled at her. Glad that was out the way. Three down, only another four to go. Meh!

"Wait… you jumped off a cliff?" She asked seriously.

"Erm, yes." I could feel her temper coming.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" She screamed at me. Wow, I had forgotten how loud she was.

"That I was bored" If I had been smart, I would have kept quiet but according to Edward, I've never really been that smart when it comes to my own protection. If I had been smart I would have stayed away from him, I wouldn't of pushed to know his secret… I probably wouldn't be here right now.

"Bored?" she looked at me with utter amazement. "She was bored" her eyes turned to Edward now who took a step closer to me, as if to protect me from what he and I both knew was coming. She turned, mockingly, her hands in the air, pacing as she spoke imitating my voice. "I'm Bella, I'm bored, I know let me go jump off a cliff… See how dead I get… lalaLA" the shouting had begun. "YOU ARE THE MOST… YOUUUU ARE SO PRONE TO LIFE THREATENING IDIOTICY… I COULD TARE YOU APART MYSELF…" I bit my bottom lip as Edward moved in between us as if to shield me. She continued ranting and shouting but it was far too fast and unintelligible to understand even with the heightened senses.

"Her thoughts aren't much clearer" he whispered down at me as he began walking towards her to calm her down.

More time passed as she slowly calmed down, still every now and then throwing abuse my way about being stupid, which I had to admit it, I really was. The more I looked back on that time the more I found myself wondering how I survived any of it with my luck.

"At least your still alive… well so to speak" she finally flung at me, I could tell by her tone the anger fit had passed and she was ready to talk to me again normally. Edward walked back to me then, wrapping his arms in a tight embrace from behind. She looked and a slow smile spread across her face. "What did I miss?" she asked suddenly, her eyes burning with suspicion.

Edward kissed the top of my head as we watched her eyes light up as she was presented with proof. She ran to us then and flung her arms around the two of us.

"We need to fix this all" I finally said, knowing that we had stood like that now for at least thirty minutes. I didn't want to move. I had missed them both so much that I wanted to stay this way forever.

"Fix all of what exactly?" she slowly pulled back.

"The family. We have a plan but we need you to make it work." Edward answered her.

"What's the plan?" her eyebrows raised as she looked between us.

"Er… that… that would be… You" I smiled widely, flashing my teeth.

"Will you help us Alice?" Edward asked as he placed a hand on the pixie's shoulder.

She nodded. "This isn't going to be that easy… I don't know if we should start with Jasper or leave him till last." She debated this in her head for awhile and I snuck a peak through Edward.

She was weighing her options… telling Jasper first meant putting him out of his misery but didn't mean that he would believe it all could be fixed. There would still be a lot of hurt for him to encounter. Telling Jasper last, meant he got to return to a happy family and feel the results for himself… but it meant leaving him in his guilty hell. She was leaning towards the later but felt terrible for it.

She was right… the second was the better but I felt bad for Jasper. "I think we should go for Emmett next" I finally commented.


	8. Chapter 8

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_CHAPTER 8: BUTTERFLIES_

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We watched silently as Alice flicked through her visions to see exactly where Emmett was. Before, Alice would have been cautious because of what she may see but now - knowing that Rosalie was in Florida by herself - she was clear that Emmett would be doing something she wouldn't have to shield her eyes from.

"Anything?" I whispered, not wanting to interrupt but also being far too impatient to watch through Edwards gift. How did he do it? It almost made me feel sea sick which of course led my mind to wonder if as a vampire that was possible or was it all in my mind. And of course that lead to the next lot of questions. A never ending cycle of what ifs.

"There he is!" she exclaimed happily but her smile suddenly vanished. I took a deep breath hoping that by some chance it wasn't possible to throw up and looked for the answer.

It was just Emmett. Sitting there alone. Television off. Silent. I couldn't believe my eyes. He looked so… so broken. Through the back windows I could clearly see the golden gate bridge which meant he was in San Francisco.

"Lets go" Edward murmured as I felt him flinch from Emmett's lost expression.

***

Time passed steadily but it felt like it was taking ages. It reminded me of the time when Edward left to hunt James and sent me off with Alice and Jasper. I remember that car journey being the longest hours of my life, knowing that the further we got, the further away from him I was. Edward held my hand as we ran and I couldn't help but feel thankful to have him back. That hole was finally gone… but there was something now in place of it. Butterflies. At first I has assumed they were good ones, ones that let me know that my happiness had returned but they only seemed to get thicker with each passing moment. Angier. I realized now, as we ran and I watched him that they were the ones telling me to be angry. To run again. The ones telling me this would only lead to bad things.

Could I trust him again? Would I allow myself to?

"You okay Bella?" Alice said as she watched me intently, I hadn't realized. I was far too involved in my own thoughts.

"Hmmm" I answered nodding slightly. This had caught Edwards attention even though he didn't turn to look at me. I felt him stiffen and although I was starring ahead now I could almost feel the conversation going on between them as he ever so slightly looked up to the sky, slightly lifting his head. The silent one.

I knew it was wrong but if they were talking about me I deserved to know. I warred with myself before finally giving in and taking a peek.

"… mad at you?" Alice seemed cautious, she had no idea I was intruding and I had no intention on letting them know. I sighed, was I really that obvious. I squeezed his hand and stepped closer to him as we jumped over another fallen tree. He lifted his hand to smooth his hair. Another yes.

"Has she said why?" rubbing his hand across his face now. A clear No.

"Does she trust you?" I could hear the stammer in Alice's thoughts and knew exactly why. She was hitting it perfectly and she knew it.

Edward turned and looked down at me, I pretended to not notice as I watched the trees we were gliding in between. His eyes shut for a mere moment and his expression was full of torment. That nearly broke me right there. This time not even trying to hide it he shook a 'No' and sighed, turning back towards the trees.

"Edward… give her time… you broke her. You know she loves you" she spoke clearly as if trying to cheer him. He shot a look directly at her and his raised eyebrows screamed 'do I?'

The rain had begun to fall then, I used it as a conversational tool. Although we ran in silence and it was comfortable, that last look had been too blatant to miss, even if I had been human I would have seen it.

"Damn, thought we had till nightfall?" I asked Alice pretending to care.

"Around you Bella, nothing is certain. You block me and it messes with my head. She laughed care free. Edward stayed quiet.

"You okay up there?" I laughed looking up at him. It was amazing to me that I could feel so powerful and unstoppable and yet next to Edward I still felt tiny with no power. Just his mere height as we stood so close seemed to shock me. It didn't seem right that someone as small as myself could contain all the power I did.

His expression was tight as he smiled back at me, yet it didn't meet his eyes. A clear sign he wasn't. He squeezed my hand. "Anxious" he lied. "I didn't like that vision of Emmett." He dropped his eyes from me then and I turned to look at Alice. She was watching the two of us, her expression one of worry and pain. I peeked again. I knew he was listening even if he wasn't meant to at this particular time.

"hmmm… that's not good. Don't lie to her Edward. You need to tell her, you need to work on it to build it again before its too late." He sighed and I knew that he was thinking that same thing as me. Maybe its already too late. "Maybe I should separate, give you both some space. Meet you there." But the truth was I needed time. I needed to think and so before Alice could mention it aloud. I stopped and stood still, gently letting Edwards hand pull from mine. They both stopped and stared at me. I took a deep breath.

"I cant do this" I let out. Of course they took it differently than I meant it immediately. Both of their faces flashed in horror and sadness as they thought I was rejecting them. "I just…" I sighed. How to explain this? "Maybe I should just meet you there?"

"Why?" Alice spoke immediately. I looked at Edward as I watched that strange expression creep back in. He was lonely and broken. Just as broken as I was but he had brought it on himself.

"I just need… time" I looked from him to her and back to him again.

The rain was starting to pelt down now and I watched the rain drops running through his hair and down his perfect face that seemed so old and heartbroken. One droplet fell through his eyelashes and it actually looked as if he was crying. I flashed in front of him getting there before the drop had even reached his chin and with one finger I lightly wiped it away. It reminded me of his actions that first day I went to his, the day he played me the lullaby and my emotions were too strong to keep in check. His eyes grew as he realized what I was doing. I let my hand cup his cheek as I leant up to whisper in his ear.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anyway for long… I just need to think. I'll meet you there…" As I pulled back his hand came up to cup my face and he smiled a sad smile at me as he dropped his forehead to lean on mine. He gulped and I knew he thought he wouldn't see me again.

"I promise" I whispered as I pulled back. I told Alice where to meet and then I took off in a slightly different direction. This is what I needed. I needed space. I needed time. I wasn't ready to be crowded after all these years and listening didnt help. At all. If anything it made the whole thing worse. Now I knew... Suspecting and Knowing really did mean different things.

Finally the butterflies began to flutter away but what they left I didn't expect. The hole seemed to get larger as they lessened. Apparently I had a choice to make. Fearful untrusting butterflies or the nothing.

Crap.

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	9. Chapter 9

**_SM owns everything…_**

**_WARNING: strong language used._**

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**_Hint: Edwards in trouuuuuuuuuuuuuuble!!!_**

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_**CHAPTER 9 : OVER**_

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Time. What a stupid thing to look forward to when you push away the one thing you want. I needed time to think, yes. But as each second ticked past the hole continued to grow. Stupid time. I half wished time would have stood still, while I was with them. Stood still long enough for me to think and still have him in my sights.

This plan was stupid. Everything was stupid right now. He was stupid. I was stupid. Everything stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Just stupid. I let a deep growl release it self from my chest. "Stupid growl" I shouted as I continued my long run through the trees and endless rain. Even that was stupid.

I stopped, letting myself fall to the floor just as I had the night Edward left. I lid still and watched the rain pelt down on top of me. Truth was, nothing was stupid. Just me. I wanted to trust him, to know what he was really thinking, to know if he really wanted me. And the worst thing was, I could have. I could easily spy on him and see. Leaving them had been the worst choice, I could have kept quiet and occupied, at least pretended to be while they had their 'private' conversations. I could have seen his responses. I had the chance for my answers but I threw them away. STUPID!

Yet, here I was glad that I had. I wanted to fully trust him like I once had, I wanted to trust his words without having to spy on him. I wanted to feel the love that we once shared but I found it difficult. How could I trust someone that I had spent the last twenty years broken because of. Was love really enough to mend everything? Would time really help? Time… Stupid.

I was back to my everything-is-stupid rant and so I decided to get a move on and catch up. The rain had completely drenched me, making my clothing stick to my body and I hated that feeling more than anything. It reminded me of the day I was changed. The feeling of the water filling my lungs as I floated unknowingly around the ocean till she grabbed me. I shook off the thought and ran as fast as I could to my destination. I needed to see Edward, this hole was only getting worse and at least now I was sure of one thing, it had at least been worth it to figure this out… I still couldn't live without him.

Time flew as I allowed every detail of the last few days assault my mind. I loved him. That I was certain of, I couldn't live without him but could I ever trust him again? I wasn't sure. Some say love is trust and trust is love… if they felt as I did in this moment, they would shut up and realize they have no idea what the heck they are talking about. Stupid people. Arrgghhhh. I needed to stop that rant. It was starting to drive me insane.

***

It seemed like an eternity before I was walking down the long busy street in San Francisco, the sky overcast and the odd shower of rain falling. I walked into the nearest clothes store to use a small portion of the money I had earned while living with Xafner. She really was my saving grace. She helped me in more ways than she will ever know and for that, I would always owe her. The cashier looked at me like I was a complete freak. If only she knew how close to the mark she was. I let out a small laugh which only caused her attention to grow more accusing. I had finally understood why Edward hated human thoughts. The majority of them were completely… well Jessica's, for lack of a better example. He had to listen, that thought had often made my sour, revengeful side a lot more happy than it should have. I often even took comfort in it, knowing he was suffering through human thoughts.

"May I help you?" I smiled at her obvious attempt of following me. Did she really think I would steal something… from here? Even I had better taste than this place normally but I needed to be quick. I wasn't sure where the others were and if they were waiting for me.

"Nope. I have eyes." I replied sarcastically. That didn't go down well. She huffed and stood watching me. Why did these silly girls have to push their luck with me. I tried to ignore her and breath steadily although I was contemplating throwing her through the shop front if she didn't back off soon.

Looking down at the rail, I couldn't help but laugh. There in front of me was a black loose fitting t-shirt with a cartoon print on it of a dark haired female vampire showing her fangs. Underneath read: Bite me! I couldn't help but laugh. Perfect. I knew it was silly but I was hoping she would get the hint, the cartoon girl really did look like me. I walked over to the jeans and grabbed the first pair of black skinny's. Since being changed it was more than easy to pick out jeans, well any type of clothing for that matter. No matter what it was my body still managed to look good in it. The sales girl eyed me as she watched me barely looking as I chose. I didn't bother trying them on, there really was no need and I was in a rush so instead I walked straight to the till. She stood in the same spot watching me again. What was her problem.

"You can help me now." I stated with a smirk. She walked over, looking me over with disgust. Was my cloths torn or something, what was she looking at?

Jealousy. I don't think even in a hundred years I will understand these girls and their jealousy. I knew that I was capable of certain thoughts, I had many around Rosalie but never like some of them. Silly little girls with their issues. I huffed as she slowly scanned the clothes and took my card. I swear she was trying to drive me insane.

"Thanks" I muttered as I turned and headed for the door.

I headed into the fast food restaurant two doors down to use the bath room, yanking off the wet clothes I discarded them into the bag after taking out my new ones. I took a long look in the mirror above the sinks and realized that the t-shirt was comfortable but not exactly attractive. Hmmm. I still wanted Edward to want me. I picked the corner and spun it my hands as I tied a not, making the t-shirt fitted and showing a small bit of my stomach. That would have to do. The print on the t-shirt still made me laugh.

I headed for our meeting place, I knew it was near Emmett's as I could see the Golden gate bridge behind us. I was still right down the other end of the street when I clocked the two of them sitting on a bench looking towards the bridge, talking. The road wasn't very busy but I could still only hear mumbles. I wanted to hear everything. I stood a little closer to the bushes but far enough away that anyone else would think I was waiting, not stalking. I pushed my shield out, aware that anyone in between them and me, were going to seriously irritate me. I had never done it from this far before and I wasn't sure it was possible. I took a deep breath, noticing the wind was coming towards me, that was a good thing. Last thing I needed was for the wind to blow and them know I was here. Here we go, I thought as I pushed at the limit making it further out. It took me a few moments but I finally managed to get it to them.

"…day Edward, she'll understand" 'I promise. She does love you.'

"What if its too late Alice? Love might not be enough. I cant lose her again." His voice was so sad that I was sure my face must have been twisted as well. I needed to concentrate if I pushed the wrong edge of my shield he would hear me and that was defiantly not what I wanted right now.

"It's not. Don't be so hard on her, she needs time. That's understandable."

"Yeah maybe, I guess. I mean … oh what the hell am I going to do?!?!" it was more of a statement than question and I knew Alice was aware of that.

"Do you love her Edward?"

"Yes" he didn't even have to think about that.

"Do you want her?"

"Yes" again without a stutter.

"Then what's really a matter?" I watched as she tilted her head to him.

"She's so different. Its not like my Bella anymore. I know we don't change, at least not often after the transformation but she… I don't think my Bella is still in there. She must have been so broken before hand that the change just kept her the way she was." he sighed as he allowed his thoughts aloud.

Me? He thought I had changed? Had I? I let that thought drag in my mind until I realized I had changed. I was sour, a lot like Rosalie. Especially with him. I let my pain and depression take over who I was and he noticed it … maybe he wouldn't want me. Not this new me. What if I let him in only to have him leave again on the count that I'm too different. FUCK! I yelled in my head. I started walking towards them now, what was the point in spying, this whole situation was fucked. Everything was fucked! FUCK! I hadn't realized until right now that I had only been causing drama before, right now my worst fears were reconfirmed. There was a side of him that didn't want the new me, was that side stronger… FUCK! Everything in my mind was telling me to turn away now, before I got too involved and just not turn up, like he had assumed I wasn't going to anyway.

"It's getting late" Alice spoke after a long moment of silence.

"She's… not… coming" his voice was broken again, as he dropped his face into his hands and Alice slowly rubbed circles into his back.

'She's really not coming. Maybe he's right. Maybe this new her doesn't want or need him. Maybe she doesn't need any of us. Maybe she doesn't care anymore about us, we had left her, it would be only right…'she reasoned with herself. I had to go to them now. I felt horrible for even considering running. Damn! I pulled my shield back from them, not wanting to hear more. This was a nightmare again.

"Hey" I called after trying my hardest to steady my breath. They couldn't know that I knew what was really going on. I had to hide it as best I could. His face turned to me and faster than he should have, he was in front of me, holding me.

"I thought you weren't…" he trailed off realizing he was speaking aloud.

"I promised, didn't I?" I tried to laugh, to reassure him but truth was I was trying to reassure myself. He pulled back and I watched as he searched my face for something and then his eyes dropped as a small sigh was released through his sad smile.

"Yeah, I guess you did." He let go of me then and headed back to Alice. I pushed my shield out quickly covering them both. I wanted to know.

'Give her time Edward.'

'Time wont change who she is now.' He thought with an edge, while giving Alice a small nod to say yes.

"What the hell do you want from me Edward?" I hissed before I realized the words were leaving my mouth. I was so mad I couldn't help the hostile tone I used. He froze with his back to me, realizing I had heard his thoughts in that moment. I watched as Alice's face dropped knowing they had been caught. He turned to me slowly. I hadn't noticed until now but my body was slightly bent as if I was getting ready to attack.

"You… heard my… thoughts?" He was clearly confused. I had explained that I could… didn't I? I quickly flashed back to our conversations and realized I hadn't. I had explained that through him I could read others minds but I never explained how. The how was the best bit. Edwards mind was open to me, when ever I wanted it to be… but I hadn't told him that. I briefly wondered if I had subconsciously done that on purpose. Hmm.

"Maybe" I shot back. "You didn't answer my question!" I glared at him as his eyes grew wide and I could hear him running through everything he had thought about in my presences. There was a lot of it I didn't hear the first time and I really didn't want to hear. "Ergh. Stop" I yelled after I finally couldn't take it no more. I knew I could just pull back but the things he was thinking were hurting too much to pull back from, like I had been chained to his thoughts. His thoughts stopped immediately and I pulled back as soon as I could. I sighed, happy to have my own thoughts back without the hurtful ones he was thinking.

There was still silence as he stared at me, not knowing what to say.

"Lets just get this over with" I said as I headed in the direction I knew Emmett was staying in. As I walked past he grabbed my arm to stop me. I stopped but couldn't look into his face. He didn't want the new me. He didn't love the new me. I had let myself in too deep again and yet again, I was going to suffer for it.

"Bella" he breathed, all the hurt and pain in the world seemed to be present in that single breath.

"What?" I asked darkly still looking ahead, just past Alice.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I thought I had." I answered honestly.

"How much have you heard?" he asked, clearly trying to figure out how bad the situation was.

"Enough" I answered sharply. I yanked my hand free of his grip as he stayed frozen beside me. "Which house is it?" I directed at Alice.

"That one" she pointed to a house that we were practically standing in front of.

"Well, lets get this over with." I said as I started to walk towards the house.

"Then what?" Alice said as her eyes flickered between me and the frozen statue behind me. I knew what she was really asking.

"Well, then you three and Carlisle have seen me, you can see I'm fine so nothing to feel bad about…"

Edward cut me off now as he walked towards me. "Us three and Carlisle…What does that mean Bella?" he was standing so close to me that I could feel his body against mine, feel it moving with every breath he took. I looked up to him. I made a deal with myself in that moment. He wasn't going to be the one to leave me this time. No. Not again. This time I would leave him. This was going to kill me but him leaving would be worse. I took a page from his book and pulled out my perfect poker face.

"I guess it means…" I took a breath and let it come out as a sigh. "That its too late." I watched his own poker face drop as the hurt flowed into it.

"Bella" he breathed again but it sounded like a plea.

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	10. Chapter 10

SM owns all...

Make sure you read chapter nine if you havent... i've updated them together...

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_**CHAPTER 10 : Little Sis?**_

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"I'll help you with Emmett and then I'm gone." I looked towards Alice then, not sure I would be able to hold the façade if I stared at him any longer. But Alice's face looked how I remembered mine in the beginning. Broken. I didn't get it. He didn't want me, not then, not now and yet here he was upset that I was leaving him. Was it just a power play. I could still feel his frozen body against mine, his breath had even stopped.

"Can we at least be friends?" Alice spoke in a small voice. "I've missed you so much Bella, I don't think I can just let go of you now…" Her eyes were pleading with me and I was certain if she thought it would work she would be on her hands and knee's begging.

"Of course." I assured her. "Friends… but from a distance." I pulled my body away from his, aware that it could possibly be the last time we ever touched. That feeling tore at my heart and I felt the butterflies fluttering away. I hated the rollercoaster that was my emotions around him. He had managed once again to get in so deep within me that I couldn't live without him only to push himself out of my reach. Damn him.

As I walked towards Emmett's I recognized Alice's footsteps behind me but heard nothing from Edward. Against my better judgment I turned to look at him. His now black eyes staring straight at me, that look was there. The broken crazed man. I suddenly found myself wondering if I had been right in the beginning when I had thought he suffered from multiple personality disorder. Did he? One minute he didn't want me and the next he looked like I had broken his dead heart. I could see in his eyes that he was trying to tell me something but something that he couldn't say. He kept going to open his mouth but then only to shut it just as fast.

This was going to be the last time. I shouted at myself. I pushed my shield out to his thoughts as I stared at him.

'… so sorry. Please you have to forgive me. I cant lose you… please. Bella… I love you. You are different but I just need time to get use to this you. Please Bella, your all I want all I need. I don't want to be alone anymore. I cant be alone, not when I know your out there… please… please don't leave me….' I found it incredibly strange how in his thoughts, it sounded like he was hysterical and here on the outside he looked so calm.

I dropped my eyes as I pulled the shield back. "It's done" I whispered even though I knew he could still hear me. I headed back towards Emmett's door and pushed it slightly braking the lock.

I followed his scent till I reached the door on the third floor, I knew Alice was walking behind me but Edward still wasn't with us. Maybe he took off… just like him. I thought. Then I replayed his plea to me and realized that I hoped he was still behind me. Alice stepped around me and pushed the door open, apparently it wasn't locked. But she didn't walk through. Instead she looked at me and narrowed her eyes.

"Edwards right. You have changed."

As I glared back at her, I felt myself seething and I wanted nothing more than to throw this stupid little pixie towards the nearest fire. I had never wanted any harm to come to Alice before and so the simple thought had pulled me from my anger. This was Alice. How could I think that?!

"Alice is that you?" a quiet voice came from inside the apartment.

"Yes" she chimed. I stood staring at her. Yes, I had changed but it was their fault and it was Edward who didn't want me around… I tried to make excuses… I knew I was different but that was me. I was a miserable person most of the time who liked to be alone. What was so bad about that?

We didn't move, we just stared, well I stared while she glared at me. I noticed Edward then as he took the final step slowly and turned towards us. He walked next to us and looked between us. Emmett appeared then.

"Hey" he spoke sadly. "Who's this?" I felt his eyes on me but I couldn't move mine from Alice.

"I don't know" She spoke through clenched teeth and I found myself seething again. Without thinking I slammed my palms into her chest and threw her up the corridor in one motion.

Everything seemed to slow right down. I felt my body crouch as if I was getting ready to spring at her, I saw as Emmett stood in my way and grabbed my shoulders, letting out a loud growl. Edwards arms wrapped around mine from behind as he pulled me tightly to him. My eyes never left Alice's body, even as I glared around Emmett.

"MOVE EMMETT" I let the venom seep right in to every letter and I knew he heard it.

"How do you… wait" he dropped his head then and brought his hands up to cradle mine as I fought against Edwards restricting arms. In honesty I wasn't really fighting against his arms, if I wanted to I could have got free but there was a part of me that didn't want to hurt him or her… no matter how angry I was right now. Emmett pulled my face to his then as he searched it for a minute. His breath stopped as he looked completely shocked. "Little Sis" a huge smile spread across his face then, just the way I remembered him "But how?"

"How do you think?" I snapped at him. He recoiled from me and turned his face to Edwards, obviously asking him something. Alice sprung up and was behind him now.

"I wouldn't do that Emmett, seems Isabella can read minds now" she said my full name with such disgust that I felt the emptiness double.

"Let go of me" I said calmly but Edward made no attempt to move. "I don't want to hurt you Edward but I swear I will" I warned. He froze again before pulling his arms off of me and stepping back.

"Bella what happened to you?" Emmett said looking down at me as I imagined he was comparing me to the old Bella. The one I hadn't realized I was nothing like anymore apparently.

"Its been a long time, people change." I stated matter-of-factly.

"We don't" Emmett said as he looked back up to Edward. I watched Edwards reflection off the glass container holding the fire extinguisher, waiting for him to answer Emmett's question. He didn't even try to conceal it now. He simply took a sharp breath, let it out and shook a no.

I was suddenly angry again. How dare they. They left me. They broke me and they were mad at me for being different. I stepped away from them as they seemed to turn after me, creating nearly a perfect line. I never turned to look at them, afraid that I might break down if I did. Just because we couldn't physically let tears out doesn't mean that we couldn't show the other signs of it. "I guess being alone, hunted and scared for eight months changes a person" I shrugged and walked down the stairs, taking them faster than a human could.

I walked over to the bench they had been sitting on but couldn't find the need to sit, instead I walked closer to the water, standing on the edge of the cliff, looking down. It had been twenty years since I felt the need or the urge to jump into the water but right now I found myself wishing that it could have the same affect it once had one me.

What the fuck had just happened? I had hit Alice, lashed out at Emmett and told Edward I didn't want him anymore. What was wrong with me? Maybe I should just forget it all… just let it all end… just say goodbye and move on to whatever followed this one. I remembered Edwards speech when I was human… the Volturi. I let the idea run free in m mind before seriously thinking about it. Did I really need them, maybe I could just start…

My thoughts were interrupted as I was encircled by two steel arms. I didn't move as I felt them get tighter on me. I knew it was Edward but I didn't have the strength to fight him anymore. I felt his breath against my neck as he buried his face in my hair.

I watched as everything started to shake and it took me a moment to realize I was the one shaking. The dry sobs took over then and wracked my body as Edward grip on my only tightened.

"Come home Bella" he whispered but I didn't respond. "Give me a chance." I heard his loud gulp, he wasn't positive I would accept and I could almost feel the fear radiate from him.

"I don't… know… if I … can… be… your Bella again." I breathed out between sobs.

"Well then, I'll just have to get to know the new you… but Bella, no matter how you act, you will always be My Bella… that will never change." His voice was full of such conviction that I couldn't doubt him. I turned in his arms to look at him, our eyes met and I searched for something to tell me otherwise.

He rested his forehead against mine and I couldn't help but find myself being relaxed by his touch. I didn't want to be without him.

"Come home where you belong" he said again as he kissed the top of my nose. I couldn't help but laugh at his small gesture. It was something he always did when I was human. I nodded a yes as he pulled me in tighter and let out a contented sigh.

As we started to walk back to the road, I noticed Alice was staring at me but not glaring. "Are you still angry with me?" she asked shyly.

"No but I am sorry" I added a small smile.

"Don't be, I pushed you. I don't want you to go…" she frowned.

"Good thing I'm not then" I smiled at her as her eyes snapped up to mine and then to Edward.

"She's coming home? Your coming home?" she was looking back and forth between us and I couldn't help the loud laugh that escaped my lips at her expression. Her tiny arms flung around me and I was certain that she nearly tore me in half it was so tight.

A deep voice came from Emmett's direction but he wasn't happy at all. "You still my Little Sis?" he almost sounded ashamed by asking that.

I looked up at Edward who kissed my forehead and smiled down at me before turning back to him. "Always"

With that Emmett ran at us and I found myself being squashed between all of them. They never would have done that when I was human or I would have been worse than if Tyler's van had actually hit me. I felt a long forgotten feeling wash over me. It clawed its way out of the deep hole in my heart.

Family. I belonged. Loved.

"Who's next?" I suddenly asked trying to get them off me.

"How about everyone?" Edward said as he pulled me even tighter.

"Huh?" I asked in sync with Alice and Emmett.

Edward laughed at us before continuing. "Its time to go home. Lets get the others to come to us." They all loosened there holds on me and started walking silently towards the way I had come through town.

"Bella, I'm guessing your not opposed to grand theft auto anymore?" Alice chimed in her usual bell like voice. I laughed as I walked faster to catch up with her. Was she serious? I really wasn't concerned anymore but I was still curious. I didn't get more than a step out of Edwards reach before his arms pulled me back against his chest.

"What?" I asked looking up to him.

"Watching you walk away from me… I … erm…I couldn't…" he struggled but I understood exactly what he meant.

"I know." I smiled and pushed myself back further into his chest as his arms got tighter around me.

I heard him take a deep breath and sigh, just as he always had. I smiled at that and turned my face to look at him. I hadn't smiled like this in a long time, I noticed how it felt unfamiliar as if it was someone else's face. His expression froze as he looked down to me, I guess he noticed something too. His eyes searched mine as I raised my eyebrow at him.

"There you are" he smiled his beautiful crooked smile as he bent his face and crushed his lips to mine.

It felt like home…

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